“Wearing a mask, wears you out, faking it, is fatiguing, the most exhausting activity is pretending to be which you know you are not…” This is a brilliant quote, but it is not that easy.
It is the thing with trauma. It is generational and it becomes engraved in your genes. And so, the body starts keeping score. You would rather sell your soul and walk your own Via Dolorosa, than to be vulnerable. You copy and paste to be liked, and the heart becomes numb. The attitude of the heart becomes wrapped up in pride, offence, paralyzing fear and guilt. Deep down the heart starts believing the lie: freedom is a myth. You wear a mask and build a wall with offence. You fake a smile and laugh with no feeling of joy or presence. You know it is a cage – a trap. But you do not know better, because no one ever taught you. The only examples around you, could be the manuscript for a horror movie.
The thing with a cage, however, is that it provides the delusion of safety. It is comfortable and you are not forced to be vulnerable. It is not that you do not get hurt anymore – you lose all sense of feeling itself. Life is like that, no one protects the heart, so you patent the mantra: Build a bridge and get over it. The flip side of the coin: How can you protect a heart if no one ever protected yours?
A mentor once wrote: The heart is holy grail. When someone allows you to know about their pain, take your shoes off, it’s a holy place. Be humble, be kind when someone shows you vulnerability.
Being raised in a family where emotions were never validated or even a point of conversation, you learn to shut yourself off. You do the work, run the errands and repeat. No one ever tells you: You are allowed to cry it out baby and you are allowed to feel the why you do. You lose a sense of self in the process. But rather that than to be vulnerable.
Every house has a story – a Mockingbird locked in a cage.
In a time of reflection, I had the opportunity to work through years of trauma and set the captives free. The only option that led to breakthrough in the end was: forgiveness. Forgiving them and forgiving yourself: unlocking the cage, throwing the key to the One who was ever present during it all. You were not made to be perfect, but you were made to be free, and to soar on the wings of eagles.
Why eagles? For eagles are known for extremely powerful vision. To walk in your legacy and authentic identity: you need a vision. How do you break free? Forgive.
Respect you own heart: it is holy grail.